Thanksgiving is over. By which I mean: it's passe. Franklin Delano Roosevelt moved the date back and forth so many times that it's meaningless anyway. And do you know why he did that? To extend the holiday shopping season. Probably because he wanted people to buy more cigars as stocking stuffers! (That was uncalled-for. Cigar jokes are too easy.)
But really, I'm done with Thanksgiving as an institution. Some people feel that it's "meaningful" to "take" the "time" to "be grateful" for all of the things that we "have." I, on the other hand, can see right through that. I've seen how it works. Here's how it works: People tell themselves, 'Maybe a third of the world doesn't have access to uncontaminated drinking water. But . . . we have a turkey! And hey look, a TV!' It's like overconsumption is a form of gratitude, especially when it only ends in wishing that there were more brie to be had.
To me, the end of November will always symbolize something much more important: the day when I got my Jeep. My family bought it from a rainy pile of leaves outside of our friend's house in Seattle, filled it with cassette tapes, packs of gum and a tire, and then drove it down two states to my florescent-lit apartment in Provo. They called at 1:30 AM when they were in Salt Lake; I knew exactly how long it would take to get where I was. So I stayed up. It felt surreal. I was barely awake, trying to grade a paper over and over and over in my burning florescent living room. My roommates had left, so the house was empty. While the light burned, I imagined the car coming toward me, as lurid and unbelievable as a parade float, streaming with glitter and overflowing with clowns. Really? A Jeep? I wondered if the pilgrims had arrived at the villages of the Native Americans they killed in a Jeep.
But then they were there, in the dark night, in a 1992 red Jeep Cherokee that looked like it was smirking at me in the rain. They hugged and hugged me. Who? I didn't know, I was asleep. The seats were tweed. My brother's hair was longer.
The next day, we left the house, with all of its food smells and unbreathable rooms and my worries and worries, and we got in the Jeep. The sun came in the window as I turned the key, the sun that was red and brown and smelled like tweed. We drove up the side of the mountain, toward brown trees and a blue sky, blasting Led Zeppelin mamaaa caught you smiling at me, that's the way it should be, and then purple rain, purple rain. I drove and drove, across long streets and short streets, and it got warmer in the car, three children yelling in the back. I couldn't see through my sunglasses. We drove and drove, up hills and through trees and past bright signs and around my old house and your old house. Then the sun got sweeter like a pie, darker, and I drove too fast because the day was over.
So think for a minute. Is there a Jeep in your life that you have taken for granted? Take a minute to give thanks this Jeepsgiving.
Eliza has been a soda expert for years. She's here to take your small faces in her hands and tenderly drop some fat knowledge on all y'all. Here is Eliza Campbell's Insider's Guide to Carbonated Fountain Drinks in Provo.
1) The Chevron Extra Mart on Canyon
It’s here that I’ll identify myself as a Diet Dr. Pepper (DDP) enthusiast. The story of how that came to be is material for another rock opera, but suffice it to say that it was the wily charms of this particular Chevron station that turned me. Chevron’s blend of DDP sets the standard by which I measure the timbre, flavor, and voice of its counterparts at other stations. The ratio of syrup to soda water is particularly well-balanced, leading to a mellow yet tangy flavor that brings to mind the sweetness of a particularly delicious baked good, perhaps one crushed beneath the weight of a gentle hug from an enormous teddy bear.
2) The Conoco on Bulldog
The distinction between “chewy” ice (CHI) and “crunchy” ice (CRI) is important here. Anatomically speaking, we’re looking at two kinds of ice, but psychologically speaking, the difference is crucial, possibly even medical in nature. CRI is your standard ice, something that flows freely out of Subway cups the world over – simple square or circular cubes. A request for CHI – smaller, ‘ground-up’ ice molecules - might raise a few eyebrows around the uninformed fountain pump. Consider it a bit more of a novelty, a bit more specialized, maybe like an organic baseball hat. Conoco does regular, and Conoco does specialty. Count your blessings that we live in a world of such equal opportunity – and then indulge yourself in two kinds of ice.
Now comes an awkward yet important question to ask in polite company: what is, in fact, ‘fun for the whole family’? Steak? Go-Carts? Caffeinated soda? Non-caffeinated soda? Those who abstain from caffeine might answer that their beverage is in fact, more fun. These caffeine kosher-ites tend to frequent this Crest, particularly because of its residential location and its reputation of firm Sunday closure. In the opinion of most experienced refillers, myself included, this only adds to the charmingly-traditional feel and flavor of this particular venue. Diet Coke is obviously the local specialty, along with its caffeine-free alternative. But the most charming aspect of the Crest experience comes in its drive-thru service: its employees can take the most complicated of orders through their small service window, even going as far as to adjust ice level to a precise degree.
5) Will’s Pit Stop
Welcome to the other part of town. Here, on the rough-ridin’ outskirts of north Provo, people prepare to leave. Think of this last pit stop as a kind of biker bar, or maybe a saloon. A vast selection of rough-and-tumble amenities includes local staples, including an inspiring array of beef jerky. Chat with your fellow travelers about their next destination: where are they headed? How many trailers have they managed to fit on their 4X4? How, in fact, does one wear a cowboy hat and Tevas at the same time? The answers to these questions and more are just part of conversation at Will’s. While you conversate, I’ll be in fillin’ up on one of the sweetest DDP blends there is. Will’s DDP reminds me of why I fell in love with my drink to begin with. At the end of the day, I love Diet Dr. Pepper because it tastes like fear, relentless energy, an affinity for loud music. It tastes like the open road.
Eliza Campbell embraces the gas station zeitgeist. *This article was written at a time when Raj still frequently appeared in the 7/11. Does anybody know where that dude is? We miss him...
"You know, I've heard that there's some bill passed that might let women have the right to Youtube. Some Youtube suffrage bill. I wonder if that's true. I guess I'll search 'women' on the main page of Youtube, for the purposes of finding out. Oh, wait, look. It looks like the most important video discourses relating to womenfolk are porn and Lil Wayne. Thank goodness there will be no Youtube suffrage. If that passed, I'd move to Missoura before I'd re-elect that President Taft."
Tired of the hustle and bustle of living in the repressive, dog-eat-dog, patriarchal society of Afghanistan? Worn out from the undue stress that goes with getting acid splashed on your skin by Taliban soldiers who don't feel that women should be able to go to school? Does it feel like all you do is work, sit in traffic, and get acid splashed on you, day in and day out?
Treat yourself to a refreshing Caribbean vacation, maybe our newest 'Acid Recoup' package. Splash yourself with the cool waters of relaxation!
If you have equally misguided advertising instances, please screenshot that and send it to us at barebonesmagazine[at]gmail[dot]com!
1) 91.4% of rapes in Utah in were committed by someone the victim knew.
2) The imprint of a species now extinct exists in Utah. Some of biggest dinosaur footprints (of the hadrosaurid) in the world can be found here. But how about those dinosaurs in the state senate, huh? (ed: HAW HAW HAW)
3) 64% of rapes are planned.
4) 32,000 pregnancies result from rape every year in the U.S.
5) Levan, a Utah town, is "navel" spelled backwards, so named because it is in the middle of Utah. Clever!
6) Utah was one of the last states in the U.S. to pass legislation allowing married women to prosecute their husbands in sexual assault cases. They passed the law in 1991 - long after the commercial success of the Disney film, “The Little Mermaid.” Even mer-people could rebel against oppressive patriarchal authority figures before married Utah women! The ocean is pretty progressive.
7) 1 in 3 women in Utah will experience sexual assault in her lifetime. The national average is 1 in 6.
8) 86% of Utah rape victims are raped before their 18th birthday.
9) Utah state law gives birds the right-of-way on the freeway. What a world!
10) Only 9.8% of rapes in Utah are reported to law enforcement, which would mean that one rape was committed every 9.49 hours - if you ignore the 90% of rapes that go unreported.
10) An 11-year-old Utah boy named Fin Keleher has broken a world record: he kept more snails stuck to his face for a 10-second period than the previous record-holder (who managed a grand total of 37). Check out the wacky video! Also, 52% of rapists will be re-arrested within three years of release.
11) Free rape counseling, crisis volunteers, therapy classes, and health services can be reached in Utah County at the Center for Women and Children in Crisis. Call for 24-hour services: (801) 356-2511
Also, check out this article where Utah wins first prize for having the nation's most raped adult females: 20.6%
(All rape statistics via Utah Commission on Criminal and Juvenile Justice, 2009. Link)
Eliza Campbell plays the blues on her jaw-harp because of things like this.
Terry Jones, a pastor in a tiny church in Florida, is reportedly planning to burn copies of the Koran with his congregation as a way to commemorate the anniversary of 9/11 on Saturday. General Patraeus, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, has advised against this delightful party activity, pointing out to the Associated Press that the act “would undoubtedly be used by extremists in Afghanistan — and around the world — to inflame public opinion and incite violence." In addition to the fact that soldiers and U.S. officials who work directly with the extremists connected to 9/11 advise against Terry Jones' little bonfire, it seems pretty obvious that grossly offending followers of a major world religion isn't the best way to ease the tension that leads to terrorism. Or intolerance. Or violence against religious extremists (like Jones' congregation, for example?)
But Patraeus' larger point is something that nobody else will say out loud: Terry is about to commit a vast culinary faux pas! While more unconventional cooks might appreciate the flavor of a rich, meaty Koran steeped in that unmistakable gasoline-scalded charcoal taste, exposing the book to extreme heat is not the best way to enjoy the delicate flavor of this sacred religious text. An alternative approach: the Koran s'more. Allow the sides of the book to become lightly toasted in the potent heat of American pride. The edges will caramelize slightly, allowing you to add thick candy wedges of your own religious text (a Book of Mormon Bar can be delightful), and melt the two together. Seal with crackers of justice and common sense. God Bless America.
Hey, you know that recent oil spill? The giant disaster one? If you’re like me, the tragedy of it all has made you feel a little angry. Maybe a little like taking action. But wait!, you say. We’re just common Joe 24-Packs, everyday screw-ups who don’t read the news on a regular basis! What could we possibly do? Well, here’s your answer: a list of some simple and everyday steps for the average guy who just wants to fix everything and wrap the Gulf Coast in an awkward, sweaty hug of social responsibility.
1) Complain. Everywhere and every day. Take advantage of this rare opportunity to use the ill-advised term ‘sleazeball’.
2) “B.P.” also stands for baby prostitute! Lol! Those slutty, under-aged oil distributors! Make sure to point this out to your friends and share a laugh.
3) Boycott baby prostitutes.
4) Complain, but while wearing funny and/or brightly-colored shirt.
5) Boycott BP Hobbies, a company that sells balsa wood model airplanes in Piscataway, New Jersey.
6) Complain, but with a fun twist: switch up your style by complaining in a different accent! “Elderly Italian Gentleman” works well.
7) Grow a beard.
8) Complain, but while wearing funny and/or brightly-colored hat.
9) Throw a hilarious craft party! You and your friends can decorate bottles of chocolate syrup to resemble oil rigs that ‘spill’ delicious topping on any ice cream delicacy.
10) A hilarious ice cream party will follow!
11) Dress up as American Indians and dump tea in the Boston Harbor to show your resentment to those stupid Brits! It’s just crazy enough to work.
12) Get a Hummer, and then cut back slightly on driving.
13) Complain, but with a fun twist: sing your complaints!
14) Stop watching any and all variations on “Pirates of the Caribbean”; remember that B.P. also stands for the Black Pearl.
15) Another reason to stop watching Johnny Depp be a pirate: the Mexican Gulf is kind of ruined. Think of the upcoming strain on the poor Caribbean Ocean’s natural resources as wealthy vacationers and rowdy Spring Break-ers are forced to make the switch!
16) Refrain from using British Parliamentary Style (B.P.), a style of debating.
17) Refrain from using British Parliamentary Style (B.P.), a sex position.
18) If you were ever a fan of the work of the Libyan terrorist Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, switch your loyalties to the work of another, less sleazeball-supportin’ terrorist! It turns out that B.P. executives worked to free this violent criminal from prison, all for the purposes of drilling for further oil in his home country of Libya. Stick it to the man by choosing another plane bomber!
19) Forward emails to your friends that gush exclamation points of cuteness over pictures of the adorable, doomed craw-fish and shrimp.
20) Boycott the news. The news, as we know, runs on gasoline, so go ahead and snub any and all updates on the situation. Bonus: this will also make your complaints about the evil of the company seem endlessly more forceful and frequent.
Of course you could drive with me tonight but, the oxygen in the air is turning slowly into dust and we will be polluted. Calculating risk, I licked my finger and held it to the air and my lungs squirmed in fear of too much rust, too much smoke.
And there is music on the radio, good and loud, but remember again the advertisements we will be subjected to, and that you may find them enticing, blazing and confounding in their lit-up grace like a beer's billboard. Adding up the danger, I lowered my ear to the scratching speaker and found myself pushing against shouting goods. I wanted an online degree.
And after it all, you could come with me because the highway is lined with green signs and endless options. The path is clear. Of course you could, but while I was judging the future losses on a map I felt a chill of wanderlust and I knew like a child that I wanted to stray. Drive with me drive with me, but I give no promise because I want to find myself lost on the way to Salt Lake City.
Eliza Campbell drives a Jeep but refuses to believe that "It's a Jeep Thing".
Recently I wrote an unintentionally inflammatory and probably not-too-well-thought-out-but-still-applicable-and-well-meaning blog post (found here) that fellow local writer and care-r-about-things, Eliza Campbell, wanted to chat with me about. [transcribed from gchat windows]
Eliza: HEY why don't you believe in the PATRIACHY??? I spell it without the r because it looks like "achy" achy breaky patriarchy
Alex: Because Billy Ray Cyrus told me I shouldn't I think it's silly for anyone, at least in the CURRENT WORLD full of FREEDOM OF SPEECH and FREE THOUGHT to believe that they have to believe anything anybody else says/dictates/tries to foist on others It's just like a general principal (misspelled for more fun) of self-worth etc etc
Eliza: yeah but rape ya know? happens
Alex: Yeahhhh, rape. I understand the rape thing, but that falls more under like, general violence, you know?
Eliza: nope
Alex: Like, life is full of shit. Rape included.
Eliza: yeahh but men don't get raped (a lot)
Alex: True, but do you think that's only because of the Patriarchy? Or is it a symptom of any other number of problems?
Eliza: yes excellent serve volley but on the other hand: it's stupid to call it "patriarchy" because it's a lot of things but most of them are related to male oppression e.g. gential mutilation child brides etc.
Alex: In the United States? like, abroad (no pun intended), I can see how the problem of Male Oppression is like rampant and NOW NOW NOW But when I read about women complaining about what IMAGE AND FASHION dictate when they reside in D.C. or Naw Yawk, well then I just think that's silly
Eliza: yeah that's true except eating disorders? huh? those are real
Alex: Eating disorders, drug addictions, self-mutilation are equally applicable to males as well as females.
Eliza: true except that men don't have eating disorders (a lot)
Alex: I'm sure that this sort of insecurity and self-obsession has been a human trait for like, oh all time. And just because males don't have as high of a rate of REPORTED eating disorders, doesn't mean that they don't have them/aren't affected by them/etc. Just because it isn't reported, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
Eliza: true
Alex: My thing is that, I think it's silly to call fie against the GREAT MALE OPPRESSOR, at least here in America, because the issue is about empowering yourself
Eliza: where did all of these feelings burst from? out of curios?
Alex: Well, I think these feelings have been 4ever. But as of late, I just sit at work and read blogs and blogs and blogs.
Eliza: oh boy bad idea
Alex: Not so much. At least it stimulates my mind. (in some way)
Eliza: what one set you off? paris hiltons twitter?
Alex: I follow this girl [REDACTED] who spouts all of these really general, self-pleasing opinions that make her sound somehow different but, ultimately, just makes her sound st00pid. And then people agree with her and are st00pid
Eliza: lemme see
Alex: or disagree with her and are even st00pider
Eliza: linkit
Alex: [REDACTED].tumblr.com
Eliza: tumblrrrrr never helped anyone
Alex: I mean, I'm just as st00pid for taking it all in seriousness
Eliza: well we're all st()()pid for not being informed enough I sure is most blogs are except paris hilton's twitter WAIT LISTEN
Alex: WHAT
Eliza: there's this law in Utah where if a woman pays someone to forcibly beat her to induce a miscarriage she can be charged with homicide that's messed up is all the end
Alex: Which part is messed up? The fact that abortion is illegal at all? or the fact that someone, anyone, would PAY SOMEBODY TO FORCIBLY BEAT A BABY OUT OF THEM?
Eliza: YES
Alex: It's just a big old bundle of wtf? That I want beat out of me
Eliza: and you're like, why would someone pay ($150) to have someone beat them up? well that's why I'm a women's studies minor maybe
Alex: That's true. But I mean, what does that boil down to? It's a reaction to something But what? Abortion laws? Getting pregnant? Not thinking? Like, what?
Eliza: exactly it's confusing
Alex: It is.
Eliza: all the above prolly but the point is, it doesn't happen to dudes
Alex: That's true.
Eliza: (a lot)
Alex: Is that applicable though? Like, yeah. Guys cannot have children. They don't have the choice to have a child beaten from their body.
Eliza: guys cannot be forcibly impregnated?
Alex: Ah, the rape question.
Eliza: it's a thing
Alex: I don't doubt that whatsoever. So, what's the response? Fight back? Know how to defend yourself?
Eliza: that's why I do yoga that's why I practice arm wrestling and . . . own a gun
Alex: Plz tell me that's real Isn't the most proactive thing you can do realizing the fact that rape can happen? And coming to terms with the fact that you have to defend yourself?
Eliza: yeah
Alex: Wouldn't women benefit simply by knowing that these things can happen?
Eliza: but isn't it stupid that it does happen? and why does it happen?
Alex: Well that's like standing in the rain and complaining that the sky exists at all
Eliza: well god didn't make rape probably
Alex: No but he made humans With agencies And humans are violent Self-serving
Eliza: true
Alex: and ultimately about power
Eliza: but I think looking for solutions is probably a good idea the difference between issuing all women a handgun or education, etc
Alex: Well, isn't there a deeper problem at hand?
Eliza: yes overly restrictive gun lawS!!!
Alex: I mean, the whole idea of dominating another person is present in any relationship we have with any human being, regardless or race or gender, ever.
Eliza: yeah but
Alex: Isn't rape about powerful domination?
Eliza: women have been dominated over kind of a lot more suffragette city man
Alex: David Bowie was probably the most influential female punk artist ever I'm just saying violence is unavoidable. I hate to say it, but rape is unavoidable. The way to stop ignorance and violence is education and openmindedness. Realizing your place in the world, that you can and will inevitably effect others in a positive or negative way. And even when people DO know those things, they still have the option and choice to harm others. So, what solution is there to a fundamental part of human nature? The will and want to dominate? I want my daughter/wife/mother/any girl that I know to be able to disembowel a potential rapist. I don't know how that connects here Just a statement
Eliza: good statement
Alex: I guess an affirmation that I'm not like, "Can't stop it so don't worry about it lol!" And as for women getting paid less, well I think that's just stupid. I wish you would get paid more. I don't understand why you don't. You know? That's dumb. If there were a bill about you getting paid equally, I'd approve it.
Eliza: would you facebook like it?
Lo! The discussion does not end there. I felt as though I'd represented myself and my original position poorly and was a little sore. I have a feeling she was a little sore as well because we didn't necessarily "come to terms" with one another.
Alex to Eliza:
Maybe rap musics is why I'm such a Self-Righteous HeMan Woman Hater's Club Official Member Male Oppressor Public Enemy Number 1. But, I guess, I'm alright with that.
Eliza to Alex:
… You ain't Oppressor sorry if I implied it. I'm just a militant gun-toting (?) Feminazi is all. I'm sending you a recording of someone from India singing my brother a birthday rap that I bought him yesterday. YEAH
I've thought it over and wanted to let you know that it's not that I don't believe in the ol' Achy. I know it's there. I know white dudes run the world, or at least the part of it that we live in. But what I guess I mean is that I don't think it's valid to act like a victim just because the Patriarchy says you should. In light of my blog post (I hate myself for even typing those words out), I guess I should specify that "I will never date a girl who willingly accepts the idea that The Patriarchy has made society or her gender do anything" because I think that's the mentality of a victim. Which, even if women are victims in a lot of scenarios, what can be gained by acting like a victim? Or, even worse, victimizing yourself? If the Patriarchy (read: men) is to blame for women getting raped, oppressive laws placed on the bodies of women, the salary gap, distasteful jokes, a self-image problem, and general bad juju for all of women-kind, then women who choose to lie back and bemoan the situation of the world today and the lot of women in the past and how awful this damn patriarchy is instead of trying to change the world and communities that they live in are just as oppressive as the Patriarchy itself.
As James Allen would put it:
It has been usual for men to think and to say, "Many men are slaves because one is an oppressor; let us hate the oppressor." Now, however, there is among an increasing few a tendency to reverse this judgment, and to say, "One man is an oppressor because many are slaves; let us despise the slaves." The truth is that oppressor and slave are cooperators in ignorance...
Yuck, all this seriousness has made me look like a bigot probably or something. The truth is I love all thangs and want all the laws for Love and Truth and Happiness to be passed and for us all to Break The Bread of Humanity together and whatnot. If your thing is radical Feminism, well I appreciate that because it's not really radical so much as "informed" and "proactive", which is what responsible members of society should be. And if my thing is not liking people who consider themselves victims because, in my opinion, that gets us nowhere, well then respect me too dammit or I'll call all of my big burly white male friends to hall you off to gaol for thinking too much!
Eliza to Alex:
Serious response:
Typing some overly colloquial rambling into a Tumblr is, I agree, probably not the most "proactive" way to approach "issues". We might even call it "hypocritical" or "st00pid". And obvs, I am a Rich White American Girl with my own house, own car, two jobs, bad broad, etc. and generally might sound a little st00pid were I to complain about how I'm being actively oppressed as a grill. I'm pretty damn privileged. The fact that I'm able to read, write, have access to the Internet, and type is proof of that. But that doesn't change the fact that the political, economic, and social status of women overall is inferior to that of their male counterparts in the world, has been for a long time, and probably will for a long time in the future, and it's not fair. I'm a little sensitive to it because of having worked with these dudes: http://www.womanstats.org/ and also having personally known women who have been raped, abused, underpaid, anorexic, sexually harassed, and/or decided to dress up as Sarah Palin for Halloween. I like Nicki Minaj as much as the next fellow, but I might be careful about the difference between 'acting like a victim' and 'being a 13-year-old sex slave in Bangladesh' or whatever. Or a poor single mother in Orem, Utah. Or a certain lady who works at a certain gas station I know whose husband cheats on her and has left her multiple times with their five kids.
U r right. Lying back is bad. I'm trying not to lie back as much. Thanks for reminding me about that. Just sayin, the Achy is real. It isn't as simple as "The Patriarchy is making me oppressed", and saying it that way is more hurtful than productive. Which is why I'm trying to be productive. By getting a C in econ!!!
And of course, no long-winded conversation concerning Rights and Issues would be wrapped up without a baring of emotions and tearful rejoinder.
Eliza: u r responsed Alex: Corollary: just trying to understand my role as a white dude who doesn't want the power he is told he has. My moms is a single mom, so I'm like, "women oppressed? doesn't compute"
Eliza: well I come from a place where it was a contest for who could be the most liberal so I'm like "different ideas? doesn't compute"
Alex: I feel like I should conclude every interaction with you with something like, "Hope you don't think I'm trying to oppress you!"
Eliza: shorten it to "no oppress-o!"
Summarily:
I guess looking over the whole thing and who I am as a Cracker Bro With Responsibilities and Opinions (CBWRAO), I'm realizing that I'm young. This is the first time I've really actually encountered these issues in a real-life setting. I'm trying to work the whole thing out, and think open dialoguing and conversating is an important part about that. It opens up areas that you never even realized existed.
I've got to realize that people will complain about Patriarchy and not do anything. They'll use it as a way to talk about how petty and insecure other people are for relying on it as a way to vindicate themselves. But, then again, people will also talk about these issues in a way that inspires change. People will continue not to sit back on their haunches about the whole thing, even if they don't understand where they're going or how to go about changing things. As a Bro With Feelings (BIF), I have to realize that Male Oppression and Patriarchy are real. Male Oppression happens, and not just in third-world countries. I have to continually acknowledge that it's detrimental to both sexes to treat it with a gloss whenever it's mentioned and not just think people are st00pid when they don't know how to feel about it. Especially myself.
I stand by, forever, my decision to Facebook "like" any potential laws that would somehow contribute to the equalization of women and men in society as a whole. I still also stand by my statement that I will not date a woman who lets herself believe that she's trapped and cornered by something so large and nebulous as THE PATRIARCHY. And who believes that other people can make her do anything. And finally, I stand by the idea that before one makes any "informed" decisions about women and the (massive) thorns-in-their-sides, one should talk to a Totally Informed White Broad (TIWB) about it all. Chances are your horizons are going to get broadened (NO PUN INTENDED).
