I Am This

I am this October leaf
Not dead, but changing
Green still, some, on the outside
and red, a little, in my veins

But mostly yellow

Unsure of whither
or whether to go,
to hold to the branch
or to take the Fall

There is safety on this tree,
and danger below
But joy in the Fall
and hope.

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I Am An Idiot By Daxson Hale: 99 Most Beautiful Names

So far, I have not been very dedicated in my personal quest to become more cultured and intellectually-awake. I am easily distracted and actually pretty lazy. If you read my previous piece, you know a little about what inspired me to want to change. Of course, wanting to change and actually changing are two completely different creatures. Since I haven’t been seeking out opportunities to be enlightened, these opportunities have not, of course, stopped to knock at my door. I’m also a bit of a procrastinator and on top of being busy with schoolwork and social life, I’ve found a few too many excuses for not going in search of artistic and intellectual experiences.

Today, however, I was walking through the Harold B. Lee Library on campus. I noticed a poster for an art exhibit and, for some reason, my feet brought me to the Special Collections area to see the display. This is very unlike me, since I tend to follow the masses with my head down thinking about how cool my shoes are.

I found myself at the entrance to the exhibit. Nothing amazing struck me, nothing big and spectacular was on display; just a few glass sculptures on white pedestals. The exhibit is called “99 Most Beautiful Names” by Andrew Kosorok, an artist and a sculptor who specializes in stained-glass art in the traditional Western style. “99 Most Beautiful Names” is a reference to the Qur’an, which states that God is called by 99 names which describe His attributes. There are currently eight of Kosorok’s sculptures on display. Also featured are a slide-show of Islamic calligraphy and a beautiful 18th century Qur’an in a glass case. Not many of these 99 names have yet been completed; of these, seven were on display: “The Birth”, “Inspirer of Faith”, “Reliever”, “Greatest”, “Compeller”, “Victorious”, and “Thou Art the Voice of the Lord, and His Trumpet”, as well as one entitled “99 Names” as an introductory piece.

Kosorok, according to his own summary posted in the exhibit, stated:

“My personal response to each Name, a synthesis of research and discussion with members of Sunni, Shi’a, and Sufi communities, is sculpted with cold-worked flat glass, a traditionally Occidental medium. The sculptures are tangible records of my personal struggle against prejudice and ignorance, and allow me to share my journey towards understanding with others.”

Kosorok speaks mainly of ignorance and prejudice when it comes to religion but the same principles must apply to all aspects of life. His undertaking of this project resonated with me in particular because the “personal struggle” of which he speaks is not all that different from my own quest to become more enlightened and aware, though I was approaching the change I desired through art, literature, and music, while he looked at man’s deepest-held beliefs and then turned them into art. When looking at this exhibit I was touched with a sense of reverence for Muslims’ regard for God. Kosorok’s diligent inquiry and search for understanding within the feelings and reverence applied to these Names and attributes, to the Qur’an, and to God Himself resonated deeply. I find it incredible that I am so ignorant, along with most Americans, to the beliefs and practices of Islam ( whose members make up nearly one-fourth of the population of the world). I know I don’t know enough about their religion. I know I probably should have done more research and study before writing about how I believe we should all be more aware of others’ beliefs and chastising every ignorant person for their stupidity. I am an idiot, after all. Most of what I know about Islam (and I’m assuming most Americans know about as much as I on this subject) is that they pray a lot, they worship Allah, some of them have beards, and some of them are terrorists. That is sad. Let’s look at Christianity with that same level of depth: Christians pray a lot, they worship God, some of them have beards,, and some of them are terrorists (for example, the Crusades, Irish rebels in England in the 80’s and 90’s, etc.). It’s amazing how much we have in common.

In the news is this man, Reverend Terry Jones, who planned to hold a Qur’an-burning ceremony on the ninth anniversary of the September 11th attack on the World Trade Center. Thankfully, he’s now announced that his bonfire will be cancelled “based on assurances” [false ones, I might add] “that a planned Islamic center and mosque near ground zero in New York would be moved” according to a CNN article. However, I still think it’s crazy that this level of “Christian” zealotry exists. “Allah” is merely the Arabic word for God. Arabic Christians use the same word in their worship services. It’s the same God we worship. I don’t know if Reverend Jones has read the Qu’ran, most people don’t know that it speaks of what we conceive of as traditionally Judeo-Christian figures, such as Adam, Enoch, Noah, David and Solomon, Moses, and even Christ himself. Would this knowledge make a difference to Terry Jones? Maybe. Maybe not. But I feel that once we make an effort to understand even the most basic beliefs of others, we will begin to realize that world religion is a tapestry. Every thread is important to the rest as part of a whole.

Reverend Jones probably has the best of intentions. At least I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt here. He also has the constitutional right to do whatever he wants to the Qur’an. But, in my personal opinion, he is an idiot just like me, except much more misled. If you believe that Muslims are so dangerous, why are you trying to piss them off? When there’s a man with a gun to your face, you don’t comment on how silly his jacket looks with his shoes, and you especially don’t try and start his jacket on fire to make your point.

I applaud Mr. Kosorok for conveying not only his own respect and reverence for God through his sculptures but also his yearning to understand another faith, another people and culture. I encourage everyone who can to view the exhibit before it is taken off display next week.

This exhibit really did inspire me. It inspired me to learn more about Islam and other religions. It inspired me to open my eyes to the beauty in other parts of the world. I’m also more motivated now than ever to continue my search for depth in my life; however, from now on I won’t ignore the source of all good things: human spirituality and the individual’s quest for personal expression. I’m working now on writing some poetry of my own (which will be published here shortly) but I’m having troubles. Making art is... an art. I’m sure my poetry will be ridiculous. Stay tuned.

For more information on the “99 Names” exhibit, see here.
For an interview with Mr. Kosorok, read this.
And for Mr. Kosorok’s own feelings on this work, click here.


Daxson is currently majoring in television and oreos at Brigham Young University. Yeah, he's double-majoring.

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I Am An Idiot by Daxson Hale

I am an idiot.

That sums up my life right there.

I am an average human being. I’m a little smarter than some people, a little dumber than some people, taller than many but not the tallest, lazier than many but not yet fat. I would consider myself to be more cultured than most people, and some yogurts, but I am not by any means one of the elitist artsy folk who know how to stand when they look at an art display. I don’t even look at art displays. I don’t even know if that’s what you call them. My culture comes from two things: my upbringing in a musical family and my two years spent in Italy. Not exactly depth. However, I’ve always considered myself to be smarter and more knowledgeable than most people. That’s probably not even true. Actually most likely it’s not. Like I said, I’m an idiot.

I think, however, that I’ve recently had a kind of cultural rebirth. My brother Kyle is one of those people who know things. He’s smart. We’ve always clashed when it comes to music. He wears his hair and fingernails long (the nails for playing the guitar). He’s an independent music kind of guy, and I’ve always been more of a Top 40 man. Admitting that kind of hurts, actually. Kyle has spent the last five or six years trying to get me to listen to his music. He gave me a mixed CD entitled “Music you’d better like… or else.” I think I got to the third song before I gave up and put on the Black Eyed Peas. That’s how it’s been for a while. I’ve always thought of Kyle as kind of a music snob. Sorry, Kyle.

But in the last few months, Kyle has helped me see how much of an idiot I’ve been my whole life. Two conversations were pivotal in my recent change. Both happened in cars. That has nothing to do with anything; I just thought that was funny. Our first conversation had to do with Owl City; he told me he “reluctantly” likes them, but is frustrated because there are so many musicians who work in the synthesized electronic music world who nobody has ever heard of. He told me about something he had read. It was originally published in The Economist. The direct quote is this:

"A lot of the people who read a bestselling novel, for example, do not read much other fiction. By contrast, the audience for an obscure novel is largely composed of people who read a lot. That means the least popular books are judged by people who have the highest standards, while the most popular are judged by people who literally do not know any better. An American who read just one book this year [2009] was disproportionately likely to have read ‘The Lost Symbol’, by Dan Brown. He almost certainly liked it."

It was in that moment that I realized I was an idiot. I loved “The Lost Symbol”.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with reading the New York Times bestsellers; there is nothing wrong with liking Top 40 music; however, at that moment I realized I was kind of hungry for something more.

The other conversation that changed me was only maybe a week or two after that. Kyle was bringing me home from somewhere, and trying to get me to listen to another band I’d never heard of, something with guitars probably, and lyrics that I didn’t get, and he could tell I was still resisting. He stopped the car outside my apartment and started trying to figure out why I am the way I am. I dismissed it as a matter of personal taste; I just happen to like the music on the radio, the music my friends know. He told me though that he thought it was because I was no longer creating. He said something like, once you start creating, once you have an outlet, you’ll be able to appreciate other people’s creations more. That hit me in the face. He was one hundred percent right and I knew it. I used to play music; piano, saxophone, trumpet, basically any instrument I picked up. I used to read five or six books every week. But now I was a stagnant and festering shallow pool of slime. I was a consumer. I needed to change, I needed to have water flowing into my intellectual pond and flowing out as well.

That night I went to the public library for the first time in a very long time and got six books. I read them in less than a week. I started a blog so I could start writing again. It was amazing how quickly my attitude changed, about life, about art, music, everything. My musical taste has changed so much in the past two or three months it surprises even me. I started discovering new music on my own. (Inspiration for this article also came from Kyle; I heard a friend play Fleet Foxes’ arrangement of “False Knight on the Road” and asked Kyle if he had ever heard of the band. He said, and I quote, “You are an idiot. I told you about them two weeks ago.”)

As I was contemplating how I wanted to contribute to this magazine, I felt stumped. I read other articles and felt like I didn’t fit in with the artistic community who share their ideas here because I still feel pretty shallow. I had an idea though that will help me satisfy my hunger for depth and change, and in a way that can eventually hopefully help others who share the Top 40 mentality. Each piece I write will be about a different facet of art, music, or literature that I recently have seen, read about, or participated in. I want to go to operas, concerts, international film screenings; I want to read thick books. I want to stand in front of a painting with my head sideways. I also want to try creating these things. I want to try my hand at writing poetry, fiction, non-fiction. I want to paint. Take pictures. I’ll perhaps even try composing music. Then I will write about my discoveries and report them to you.

Please help me. Feel free to make suggestions, comments, or condescending remarks. I am just tired of being a boring person. I don’t like being an idiot.


Daxson sometimes wonders what life is all about. And then he sees a commercial for a Dairy Queen product and remembers.

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