Urban Portraits: From Provo to Istanbul

Chances are, you're reading this in a public place. Maybe you're in a coffee shop. Or maybe a library. The bus. Your family home. Is there someone else near you? Maybe across the room? Glance at them. Don't stare, that's creepy. Just glance. A one second glimpse. Have you done that? Ok, now go ahead and try and draw them. Did it turn out well? Probably not, and don't feel bad. Not all of us can be as talented as Taylor Collins.

We're proud to feature the first in a series of portraits Collins is doing called "Urban Portraits." A local Provo-vian, Collins has been working on sneaking glimpses into the lives of others by meeting and quickly sketching people around the world. Through a variety of mediums we come to know the world of the random and strange encounter. A picture of a man he met on an airplane. People he meets on the street. We see, for a second, what it's like to be an objective and interested party in a new relationship.

Gesso, watercolor, and ballpoint pen on particle board

Blue ballpoint pen on drawing paper

Caricature art, this is not.

Taylor Collins obviously has some art nouveau issues he's not ready to discuss with you.
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IsWhat?! and Inspiration

For those of you who do not know yet (you're about to!!), IsWhat?! is a Cincinnati-based jazz/spoken-word trio that started in the mid-90s. Their lineup has shifted throughout the years, but the set-up and focus remains the same: innovative hip-hop with a strong social message. If you've never heard of them, that's ok, but be aware that at one point KRS-ONE was part of the collective. That was your cue to be impressed and go out and buy their albums.

I was listening to IsWhat?! today and it got me to thinking: are these guys doing what they do because of the conditions that exist in Cincinnati? Or would they be doing what they're doing if Cincinnati was idyllic? Is their stuff so good, so raw, so cutting and intrusive and affecting because Cincinnati is in need of a voice? I wonder, often, what predicates art. Do we need a reason to speak in order for our work to change and inspire others? Or can art, expressive communication, do that all on its own time?

Ponder that and listen to these guys. Cincinnati represent.

click thru for video
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Easy Ways to Embetter the B.P. Situation: Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Iran

Hey, you know that recent oil spill? The giant disaster one? If you’re like me, the tragedy of it all has made you feel a little angry. Maybe a little like taking action. But wait!, you say. We’re just common Joe 24-Packs, everyday screw-ups who don’t read the news on a regular basis! What could we possibly do? Well, here’s your answer: a list of some simple and everyday steps for the average guy who just wants to fix everything and wrap the Gulf Coast in an awkward, sweaty hug of social responsibility.

1) Complain. Everywhere and every day. Take advantage of this rare opportunity to use the ill-advised term ‘sleazeball’.

2) “B.P.” also stands for baby prostitute! Lol! Those slutty, under-aged oil distributors! Make sure to point this out to your friends and share a laugh.

3) Boycott baby prostitutes.

4) Complain, but while wearing funny and/or brightly-colored shirt.

5) Boycott BP Hobbies, a company that sells balsa wood model airplanes in Piscataway, New Jersey.

6) Complain, but with a fun twist: switch up your style by complaining in a different accent! “Elderly Italian Gentleman” works well.

7) Grow a beard.

8) Complain, but while wearing funny and/or brightly-colored hat.

9) Throw a hilarious craft party! You and your friends can decorate bottles of chocolate syrup to resemble oil rigs that ‘spill’ delicious topping on any ice cream delicacy.

10) A hilarious ice cream party will follow!

11) Dress up as American Indians and dump tea in the Boston Harbor to show your resentment to those stupid Brits! It’s just crazy enough to work.

12) Get a Hummer, and then cut back slightly on driving.

13) Complain, but with a fun twist: sing your complaints!

14) Stop watching any and all variations on “Pirates of the Caribbean”; remember that B.P. also stands for the Black Pearl.

15) Another reason to stop watching Johnny Depp be a pirate: the Mexican Gulf is kind of ruined. Think of the upcoming strain on the poor Caribbean Ocean’s natural resources as wealthy vacationers and rowdy Spring Break-ers are forced to make the switch!

16) Refrain from using British Parliamentary Style (B.P.), a style of debating.

17) Refrain from using British Parliamentary Style (B.P.), a sex position.

18) If you were ever a fan of the work of the Libyan terrorist Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, switch your loyalties to the work of another, less sleazeball-supportin’ terrorist! It turns out that B.P. executives worked to free this violent criminal from prison, all for the purposes of drilling for further oil in his home country of Libya. Stick it to the man by choosing another plane bomber!

19) Forward emails to your friends that gush exclamation points of cuteness over pictures of the adorable, doomed craw-fish and shrimp.

20) Boycott the news. The news, as we know, runs on gasoline, so go ahead and snub any and all updates on the situation. Bonus: this will also make your complaints about the evil of the company seem endlessly more forceful and frequent.

Eliza Campbell is our resident Crabby Appleton and advises you read this website frequently.
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Open Forum: What Books Are You Reading?

In the interest of sharing and caring, we're going to try something new. We all love books. Books sustain us, they enlighten us, they look great on our shelves from Ikea. So, as part of a new installment called Open Forum, we want to know what books you're reading.

To start us off, here are a few recommends from Alex and Eliza.

Alex: I have apparently been into short fiction recently. I'd suggest Will You Please Be Quiet, Please? by Raymond Carver, Brief Interviews With Hideous Men by David Foster Wallace, The Snows of Kilimanjaro and Other Stories by Ernest Hemingway, and Bigfoot: I Not Dead by Graham Roumieu. I think you'll find that all I read are stories about unhappy monsters.

Eliza: I'm currently reading A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I'd suggest Naked Economics, all of Gwendolyn Brooks, and Eric Carle's The Very Quiet Cricket (comes with built-in sound chip!). At least one children's book, please. Like, Barebones-enstein Bears. Were those bears jewish? What's with the Stein?

Above, we've provided appropriate links that highlight just how cheap and accessible these books are. Just sayin'. You know... You could have like 10 new books for like 20 bucks... just, you know. Just sayin'...

So, pipe up! Share the books you've been reading! Share the books that have "changed your life" or whatever!
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Letters from Lawsy

Lauren Laws has a lot of love for the world. She's here to talk with you about those deep-rooted feelings.

My darling Rock Springs, Wyoming,

Seeing a movie with you is a treasured and intimate experience, because we were alone in the theater. No one to interrupt our indulging in A Town late one Monday night. The drive-thru at Sonic took forever, but I don't really mind, I like spending time with you. I think it's cute that you don't care about your outward appearance. You're sort of brown and dull, but it suits you, really, it does. I love the people at Wal-Mart who changed my oil. My mom was a little concerned, but we figured everyone around there spends all day fixing up old trucks right? So they could handle a Dodge Neon. And well, they didn't give us the Premium like we asked, but still, my car left feeling happy and so did I. I really appreciate that you don't overwork yourself, you always have time for me because your population is only 20,000. Wait, there's 20,000 people there?? I could only find one postcard with your name on it, but if it were up to me there would be more. Because I love you.


Dear Tangerine and Pomegranate Sherbet with Strawberry Mochi Balls,

Your sweetness is my weakness. I've never encountered anything so...Tantalizing. And you're soft and gentle. There's nothing harshly dramatic about our relationship. Just pure joy. My eyes water to think of you gone. I love you so much I wanted to share you with my friends, but it became too much for you and now you're gone. I hope you can someday accept my apology and come back to me, but I know it is impossible. No. In love, nothing is impossible. Ours is true, and deep, and sorbety, and sort of squishy, and we will, so help me, we will be reunited again.


Dear Christopher Nolan,

Marry me. I can't remember what you look like, but I would worship you forever if you let me.


Dear PS22 Choir,

If I had lots of money I would give you all scholarships to the finest colleges. And give you all your own television shows, if that was what you wanted. And I'd bring you candy. Do you like candy? You sing real good. Mostly I want us all to be really good friends.


Lauren Laws likes the noises you make in your sleep and will be living in Rome, Italy soon for a long, long time.

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Things I Learn From Working in Retail

Brandon is a twenty-something working at a nation-wide convenience and drug store that isn't CVS. He works mostly in their photo lab developing and laughing at pictures of the "common people", while people watching to avoid actual work. These letters are his deepest thoughts to those that he interacts with and observes, after being dragged through sarcasm and shi- I mean wit.

Dear Ham Artist,

You're Casper. A spirit that appears in black and white markers, an aura around our store sign. Can we formally meet? I imagine you are young and fresh from high school; a "punk" by elderly terms, with a flat bill and skateboard. Perhaps this lovely ham was your first drawing ever? The amateurish appearance shows only slightly though, I promise.

I'd love to discuss the detail that goes into creating your near-perfect ha m bone, complete with checkered skin and small circle representing the bone itself. And let's not forget the "handle" part of the bone; all of that which makes a true ham bone complete. Though with great pride do we display it, I have do have one question: Why draw on the side facing AWAY from our store? Our customers would surely love seeing a ham on our sign. For what greater a way to distinguish ourselves not only from the competition, but from other affiliated stores?

"I’m craving Sour Gummy Phallic Bears. What's the cheapest place to get that from around here?"

"That place with the ham on its sign."

"That's an hour away. Is there not one closer?"

"Probably, but I wouldn’t go anywhere else. They have a sign with a ham on it!"

I’ll be honest- you deserve a check from us for your gracious efforts. The amount would be "Priceless" and it would be made out to none other than "The Ham Artist". You entertain us, and give us something to look forward to whenever we remember to go out and check for your mark. Never abandon us, ol’ Hammi. I’m counting down the days 'till my eyes and your ham meet again. And I'm looking forward to restarting at zero.


The Guy from Behind the Counter

Brandon Hite finds the junk that collects in your cup-holders really, really fascinating.
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Springfield and Vine: Notes from a Bus Ride

The persistent hum of the recycled air is the base level of audio on the 78 Lincoln Heights Metro bus. Along with a wave of cold sterile air, the hum sits beside your ears from entry to exit.

St. Bernard sits desolate. It's 3pm and already closing time on a weekday.
The sounds of South Vine Street permeate the walls of this traveling ice box. Some passengers enter if only to rest from the hot cement, sweat gathering in small beads against their skin. Sidewalk glances on each passing stoop. Rumbling wheels beneath my feet. Compressed air exhaling with each abrupt stop.

I sit each day pacified by this broken idleness.
The voices of Vine float above the others. The elderly men who sit across from me shout exasperated complaints at one another. Sons both in prison, they're been left to care for their grandchildren and newly inherited daughters. They ask each other what went wrong.

The smaller of the two holds his head tiredly.

"Man, I gave up blamin' myself a long time ago...you can only do so much for them. I loved 'em, I made them go to school. Tha's bout all a loving father can do."

The other man sits back and sighs, he's told himself the same thing but it never seems to pacify his guilty conscience.

Paddock and E Ross Ave. Stop Requested

"Now I'll tell you somthin'. These men don stay with their women. That's the problem. They got that wanderin' eye. And when they start messin' roun, they start gettin' into trouble. That's where it all starts right there."

The smaller man looks out the window pondering the thought, "I've been with my girl Jackie since I was 13."

"Really," the other man says, "Tha's so great! Aw man, tha's real cool man. She's ya baby girl!" The two men exchange congratulatory handshakes. Their hands linger in place as he repeats himself, "Tha's so great. Aw tha' just the nicest."
They both laugh loudly to themselves, they seem to have attracted an audience.

W. Wyoming Ave Zone 2 Boundary

The earth outside the window is silently listening, its placid movements careful not to disrupt conversation. The wheels on the bus push forward, making my movements lurching and my handwriting unkempt.

Lockland & Shepherd Stop Requested

Both men embrace and exchange hand shakes, "We had a beautiful conversation. Beautiful. I love you little man."

Little man exits while the other sits silent for the first time, a content smile spread across his face. The voices of Vine are never silenced. A new conversation begins soon after and the audience secretly tunes in to its frequency.
Stop sign after stop sign, brake lock and release, we lurch forward as one.

Springfield & Charlotte My Stop Request

I exit absent mindedly and quickly turn to watch the Metro chug away, as if to catch a vagrant piece of missed conversation. I walk home silently, but my mind is running.

Austin Dressman hasn't been around a lot lately and feels pretty awful about that.
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the northwest corner of ogden

Of course you could drive with me
tonight but, the oxygen in the air is turning
slowly into dust and we will be polluted.
Calculating risk, I licked my finger and held it to the air
my lungs squirmed in fear
of too much rust, too much smoke.

And there is music on the radio, good and loud,
but remember again the advertisements we will be subjected to,
that you may find them
enticing, blazing and confounding in their lit-up grace
like a beer's billboard.
Adding up the danger, I lowered my ear to the scratching speaker
and found myself pushing against shouting goods. I wanted an online degree.

And after it all, you could come with me
because the highway is lined with green signs and
endless options. The path is clear.
Of course you could, but while I was judging the future losses
on a map I felt a chill of wanderlust
I knew like a child
that I wanted to stray.
Drive with me drive with me, but I give no promise
because I want to find myself lost on the way to
Salt Lake City.

Eliza Campbell drives a Jeep but refuses to believe that "It's a Jeep Thing".

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A Preview: Inception's True Meaning

I went to see Inception last night and I don't think it could be more obvious about what this movie really was: a metaphor for the economic meltdown of 2008.

Think about it. Even the trailer says that. High rises crumbling. Foreign "power firms" wielding destructive power. A never-ending nightmare. Oh, you thought you had a house? WRONG. THAT'S NOT A REALITY. Oh you thought you had a job? WRONG. FAKE. Want someone to wake you up? Bail you out? Or "kick" them into action?

You know what, I'm kidding around here. But, at the same time, isn't this the perfect time to market a movie reflecting the horrors of the past ten or fifteen years? The bubble bursting, the markets nose-diving, the dreams and plans we'd already lived out in our minds about our solid and familiar future: poof.

Americans have this love-affair with End of the World sagas. One of the largest grossing movies of 2009 (15th, albeit) was 2012, the movie concerned with the prophetic deliverance of Doomsday. Or take a look at The Day After Tomorrow, which was the 7th highest grossing film of 2004. Or we could look back at Omega Man, Last Man on Earth, Night/Dawn/Day of the Dead(s(?)). We've got a big soft spot in our heart for watching the destruction of all that we love and know. I posit that Nolan's insular epic, one which is literally taking place in (possibly) one man's mind, is simply the logical completion of a self-contained cycle.

When the bubble burst in 2000, The Matrix was there to blow our minds with denunciation of this crazy online world. We were disillusioned as a country about this stupid internet crap-shoot and here was our Plato, telling us to wake up and smell the roses.

Well here we are at the end of a rough two year economic crisis. A 2,300 page bill has just been passed to deal with many of the problems that allowed us to fall into this situation. One of the biggest parts of the bill is the stipulation that if a company/financial institution is big enough to disrupt the economic stability of our country if it were to fail, it is dismantled. The main plot point to Inception? A man must be made to dismantle his fathers foreign, monopolistic corporation. And not only that, but when they go within this man's dreams, the constant fear is that the illusions will tower too large and be too unstable, thus sucking everyone into them.

I mean, come on. It's clear as day. Christopher Nolan's muses for this project were Kierkegaard and modern day fiduciary trends. This movie, like those that have come before it, is a purge reaction to economic hardship. When times are tough, Americans go to the movies. And when times are really tough, Americans go to movies where they get to see their worlds destroyed, torn to the ground, and then rebuilt.

The most haunting part of Inception, however, and our economic situation at present is contained within the last shot of the film. What's real? Where are we at currently? How did we get here? Will we ever wake up?

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The Work of Barry Rowen: A Study of Multitudinous Expression of Self Through MS Paint

Bare Bones Magazine is proud to present a Barry Rowen original: Henry.

Henry from Barry Rowen on Vimeo.

The most pleasing part of Barry Rowen's work is its versatility. In reviewing and providing a quick analysis of Henry, I could discuss its themes (celibacy, alienation in humanity, forbidden love, the struggle of man to know himself, mannequins), I could discuss its medium and its impact on the storytelling (MS Paint is surprisingly expressive in the right hands!), I could discuss the simple story structure itself that somehow sucks the viewer in; I could do anything, really, with this film. Which I think is a mark of Rowen's oeuvre. It says what it wants to say and allows the audience to draw meaning as it sees fit.

And so, as I attempt to delve into Henry, I think it's probably most apt to take the idea of versatility and multiplicity and apply it to another aspect of Rowen's work; that being, mainly, his inward search for meaning.

Henry begins with a Paul Simon song and a stricken priest. The background fades into being, suggesting that at the heart of this story is a man; the rest of his world is incidental. Following the prologue, the second (and only other existent) character of the film is brought in: Barry. Barry is introduced after a reference to a Corey Haim sermon which Father Henry has just delivered.

Let's pause: why Corey Haim? Is it because Haim never married? Is this suggesting that Henry has appropriated Haim as a quasi-Catholic, celibate figure? Whatever the connection, we are never apprised of its true value.

Let's resume: That Barry Rowen has created and projected some sort of affable and well-meaning friend persona onto a paint creation bearing his own name may seem a little strange to those unfamiliar with his work. It is his tradition – nay – his modus operandi to explore these on-screen projections of self in nearly every movie he's made. Barry plays the part of writer, director, lead actor, extras, and narrator in all of his films. Some other people make appearances in his narrative stories: a mannequin, his father, his little sister, a snow man. Yet these other players often get lost in the vast sea of Barry. The most interesting part is that these Barry-filled worlds are not self-aggrandizing in nature. They form a unique sort of self-critique and gentle exploration of the filmmaker's himself. While he's portrayed an array of heroic and grand characters (disillusioned and fed-up husband, dopey investigator, cunning action hero, empowered gay man), in most films he fills the rest of the space around these main characters with clones of himself (literally) that range from cripplingly apathetic to blithely naive. His clone counterparts are often self-defeating and comically inarticulate.

How are we to see these characters? Are they the world Barry projects himself onto? Are other people merely imperfect copies of himself? Or do they serve to represent the overwhelming self-image, the way Barry truly sees himself, and in effect set off the main character as an idealized form of Barry, one which he sees as separate and disconnected from the crowding masses bearing his likeness?

And, with these questions in mind, we approach Henry. Who is Henry in the Barry Rowen universe? And who is "Barry"? Or, is this a different story?

Of all of Rowen's films, this is the most outwardly expressive. Perhaps the MS Paint does something to distance the more shallow aspects of the film world: setting, extras, etc. Henry is remarkably sparse in its population. An almost hilarious amount of the film is simply Henry against a white background. With this simplicity we find ourselves free of the normal, cluttered, Rowen universe. And we don't lose the filmmaker in the shuffle. We know that this is a Barry Rowen production.

And yet, which part of this film is Barry himself? Is he Henry or Barry? Or neither? Is he narrator? The filmmaker? And does all of this analysis sound far too Blade Runner for everyone?

-Impressive use of spatial relation within an archaic and oddly aesthetically pleasing medium.
-Haunting use of a Beach Boys' song. Always a plus.
-So many slow-pans.
-A character pronouncing "pipe" as "peep".
-Bill Cosby posters.

And, of course, the most exciting part of all of this is that soon enough there'll be a Henry II. So soon enough we'll see what happens to the wayward priest and his luxurious mustache.

Barry Rowen is a recent high school grad and can REALLY wear a hat.
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Austin Dressman Tackles the Roadtrip Video

Cross Country Roadtrip 2010 from Austin Dressman on Vimeo.

It's my Personal Opinion that Austin is at his best when he's giving himself room to breathe and taking risks with his editing. In this recounting of a recent road trip from Kentucky to Yellowstone, and down the Pacific Coastal Highway, we see Austin's superb hand with composition, his interesting and seamless editing style, all combined with a more refined and easier to stomach pacing than is normal with his raw, wide-eyed, and aggressive style. Which probably makes this one of his finest works.

That being said, you can also see me bullying him. A lot. And us all paying homage to Natalie Raines. Enjoy!

Austin Dressman has a job as a river boat con man. No, for real.
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Short Tales of Provo: PT. I

A guy was digging a hole by the side of the road as I walked home. There was a mound of dirt about 3-feet high next to him and he was waist deep in the ground, busting a shovel against the dirt to loosen it up.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m digging a hole man,” he responded. He took a minute to wipe the sweat off of his brow.

“The air smells like ginger huh?” I asked. It was oven-like outside. Warm and sweet.

“Que?” he asked. He peered down into the hole.

“Why are you digging a hole?”

“To put in a sprinkler.”

“Why are you putting in a sprinkler? This is a desert. It’s supposed to be dry.”

He suddenly looked up at me and stared hard. We stood a few feet apart; him deep in the ground, me on the dusty sidewalk.

“Why do I care if it’s a desert? I get paid to make it not,” he said. And turning back to his shovel, “I get paid to help people lie to themselves!”

Alex Christman looks up the definition of 'metaphor' every single day of his life.
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Ecstatic on static sleep in the backseat, between a cooler and a pillow, driving late night and caffeine pills.

Fuck getting eaten by grizzly bears, I'll sleep with the lights on and noise blaring.

Going west, like it's some adventure or something. But this is home, this is home, this is home, holy God this is home, moving, motioning, dozing, with cheap disposables and trite roads, but it's not the same. I've never been West, not this far, not this concious of it, I'm too ready, too abundant with anticipation.

Two Weeks, a sad independent song self-titled for the span of it all, and Trey put it best, Trey put it great: "You must be ready for going out there and not knowing a thing that it offers." Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes can't you believe it?

I'm bailing, this is it, I'm off the chart, I'm dropping the program. It's under the seat. My feet are crumpling it. Bye, all the missing's going to make my heart explode. All of you, God, all of you, the missing's going to make my heart explode, you Objects of my Affection.

I remember when I first moved here,
A long time ago,
'Cause I heard some song I used to hear back then,
A long time ago,

I remember even further back,
In another town,
'Because I saw something written I used to say back then,
How to comprehend,
And the question is was I more alive than I am now?
I happily have to disagree.

I laugh more often now,
I cry more often now.

I am more me.

This is all a little melodramatic.

Nathan Myers is a writer based out of Cincinnati. He has a Facebook, but probably won't be friends with you.
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Male Honkey With Opinions & Totally White Broad With Other Opinions (MHWO & TWBWOO) Have a Conversation!

Recently I wrote an unintentionally inflammatory and probably not-too-well-thought-out-but-still-applicable-and-well-meaning blog post (found here) that fellow local writer and care-r-about-things, Eliza Campbell, wanted to chat with me about.
[transcribed from gchat windows]

Eliza: HEY why don't you believe in the PATRIACHY???
I spell it without the r
because it looks like "achy"
achy breaky patriarchy

Alex: Because Billy Ray Cyrus told me I shouldn't
I think it's silly for anyone, at least in the CURRENT WORLD full of FREEDOM OF SPEECH and FREE THOUGHT to believe that they have to believe anything anybody else says/dictates/tries to foist on others
It's just like a general principal (misspelled for more fun) of self-worth etc etc

Eliza: yeah but
rape ya know?

Alex: Yeahhhh, rape. I understand the rape thing, but that falls more under like, general violence, you know?

Eliza: nope

Alex: Like, life is full of shit.
Rape included.

Eliza: yeahh but
men don't get raped
(a lot)

Alex: True, but do you think that's only because of the Patriarchy?
Or is it a symptom of any other number of problems?

Eliza: yes
excellent serve
but on the other hand:
it's stupid to call it "patriarchy" because it's a lot of things
but most of them are related to male oppression
e.g. gential mutilation
child brides

Alex: In the United States? like, abroad (no pun intended), I can see how the problem of Male
Oppression is like rampant and NOW NOW NOW
But when I read about women complaining about what IMAGE AND FASHION dictate
when they reside in D.C. or Naw Yawk, well then I just think that's silly

Eliza: yeah that's true
eating disorders?
those are real

Alex: Eating disorders, drug addictions, self-mutilation are equally applicable to males as well
as females.

Eliza: true except that
men don't have eating disorders
(a lot)

Alex: I'm sure that this sort of insecurity and self-obsession has been a human trait for like, oh
all time.
And just because males don't have as high of a rate of REPORTED eating disorders, doesn't mean that they don't have them/aren't affected by them/etc.
Just because it isn't reported, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Eliza: true

Alex: My thing is that, I think it's silly to call fie against the GREAT MALE OPPRESSOR, at
least here in America, because the issue is about empowering yourself

Eliza: where did all of these feelings burst from?
out of curios?

Alex: Well, I think these feelings have been 4ever. But as of late, I just sit at work and read blogs
and blogs and blogs.

Eliza: oh boy
bad idea

Alex: Not so much. At least it stimulates my mind.
(in some way)

Eliza: what one set you off?
paris hiltons twitter?

Alex: I follow this girl [REDACTED] who spouts all of these really general, self-pleasing
opinions that make her sound somehow different but, ultimately, just makes her sound st00pid.
And then people agree with her
and are st00pid

Eliza: lemme see

Alex: or disagree with her
and are even st00pider

Eliza: linkit

Alex: [REDACTED].tumblr.com

Eliza: tumblrrrrr
never helped anyone

Alex: I mean, I'm just as st00pid for taking it all in seriousness

Eliza: well we're all st()()pid for not being informed enough
I sure is
most blogs are
except paris hilton's twitter

Alex: WHAT

Eliza: there's this law in Utah
if a woman pays someone to forcibly beat her to induce a miscarriage
she can be charged with homicide
that's messed up is all
the end

Alex: Which part is messed up? The fact that abortion is illegal at all? or the fact that someone, anyone, would PAY SOMEBODY TO FORCIBLY BEAT A BABY OUT OF THEM?

Eliza: YES

Alex: It's just a big old bundle of wtf?
That I want beat out of me

Eliza: and you're like, why would someone pay ($150) to have someone beat them up?
that's why I'm a women's studies minor

Alex: That's true. But I mean, what does that boil down to?
It's a reaction to something
But what?
Abortion laws? Getting pregnant?
Not thinking?
Like, what?

Eliza: exactly
it's confusing

Alex: It is.

Eliza: all the above prolly
but the point is, it doesn't happen to dudes

Alex: That's true.

Eliza: (a lot)

Alex: Is that applicable though?
Like, yeah. Guys cannot have children.
They don't have the choice to have a child beaten from their body.

Eliza: guys cannot be forcibly impregnated?

Alex: Ah, the rape question.

Eliza: it's a thing

Alex: I don't doubt that whatsoever.
So, what's the response?
Fight back?
Know how to defend yourself?

Eliza: that's why I do yoga
that's why I practice arm wrestling
and . . . own a gun

Alex: Plz tell me that's real
Isn't the most proactive thing you can do realizing the fact that rape can happen? And coming to terms with the fact that you have to defend yourself?

Eliza: yeah

Alex: Wouldn't women benefit simply by knowing that these things can happen?

Eliza: but isn't it stupid that it does happen?
and why does it happen?

Alex: Well that's like standing in the rain and complaining that the sky exists at all

Eliza: well god didn't make rape

Alex: No but he made humans
With agencies
And humans are violent

Eliza: true

Alex: and ultimately about power

Eliza: but I think looking for solutions is probably a good idea
the difference between issuing all women a handgun or education, etc

Alex: Well, isn't there a deeper problem at hand?

Eliza: yes
overly restrictive gun lawS!!!

Alex: I mean, the whole idea of dominating another person is present in any relationship we
have with any human being, regardless or race or gender, ever.

Eliza: yeah but

Alex: Isn't rape about powerful domination?

Eliza: women have been dominated over kind of a lot more
suffragette city man

Alex: David Bowie was probably the most influential female punk artist ever
I'm just saying violence is unavoidable. I hate to say it, but rape is unavoidable. The way to stop ignorance and violence is education and openmindedness. Realizing your place in the world, that you can and will inevitably effect others in a positive or negative way. And even when people DO know those things, they still have the option and choice to harm others.
So, what solution is there to a fundamental part of human nature?
The will and want to dominate?
I want my daughter/wife/mother/any girl that I know to be able to disembowel a potential rapist.
I don't know how that connects here
Just a statement

Eliza: good statement

Alex: I guess an affirmation that I'm not like, "Can't stop it so don't worry about it lol!"
And as for women getting paid less, well I think that's just stupid. I wish you would get paid more. I don't understand why you don't. You know? That's dumb. If there were a bill about you getting paid equally, I'd approve it.

Eliza: would you facebook like it?

Lo! The discussion does not end there. I felt as though I'd represented myself and my original position poorly and was a little sore. I have a feeling she was a little sore as well because we didn't necessarily "come to terms" with one another.

Alex to Eliza:

Maybe rap musics is why I'm such a Self-Righteous HeMan Woman Hater's Club Official Member Male Oppressor Public Enemy Number 1. But, I guess, I'm alright with that.

Eliza to Alex:

… You ain't Oppressor sorry if I implied it. I'm just a militant gun-toting (?) Feminazi is all. I'm sending you a recording of someone from India singing my brother a birthday rap that I bought him yesterday. YEAH

TajTunes by Bare Bones Magazine

Alex to Eliza:

I've thought it over and wanted to let you know that it's not that I don't believe in the ol' Achy. I know it's there. I know white dudes run the world, or at least the part of it that we live in. But what I guess I mean is that I don't think it's valid to act like a victim just because the Patriarchy says you should. In light of my blog post (I hate myself for even typing those words out), I guess I should specify that "I will never date a girl who willingly accepts the idea that The Patriarchy has made society or her gender do anything" because I think that's the mentality of a victim. Which, even if women are victims in a lot of scenarios, what can be gained by acting like a victim? Or, even worse, victimizing yourself? If the Patriarchy (read: men) is to blame for women getting raped, oppressive laws placed on the bodies of women, the salary gap, distasteful jokes, a self-image problem, and general bad juju for all of women-kind, then women who choose to lie back and bemoan the situation of the world today and the lot of women in the past and how awful this damn patriarchy is instead of trying to change the world and communities that they live in are just as oppressive as the Patriarchy itself.

As James Allen would put it:

It has been usual for men to think and to say, "Many men are slaves because one is an oppressor; let us hate the oppressor." Now, however, there is among an increasing few a tendency to reverse this judgment, and to say, "One man is an oppressor because many are slaves; let us despise the slaves." The truth is that oppressor and slave are cooperators in ignorance...

Yuck, all this seriousness has made me look like a bigot probably or something. The truth is I love all thangs and want all the laws for Love and Truth and Happiness to be passed and for us all to Break The Bread of Humanity together and whatnot. If your thing is radical Feminism, well I appreciate that because it's not really radical so much as "informed" and "proactive", which is what responsible members of society should be. And if my thing is not liking people who consider themselves victims because, in my opinion, that gets us nowhere, well then respect me too dammit or I'll call all of my big burly white male friends to hall you off to gaol for thinking too much!

Eliza to Alex:

Serious response:

Typing some overly colloquial rambling into a Tumblr is, I agree, probably not the most "proactive" way to approach "issues". We might even call it "hypocritical" or "st00pid". And obvs, I am a Rich White American Girl with my own house, own car, two jobs, bad broad, etc. and generally might sound a little st00pid were I to complain about how I'm being actively oppressed as a grill. I'm pretty damn privileged. The fact that I'm able to read, write, have access to the Internet, and type is proof of that. But that doesn't change the fact that the political, economic, and social status of women overall is inferior to that of their male counterparts in the world, has been for a long time, and probably will for a long time in the future, and it's not fair. I'm a little sensitive to it because of having worked with these dudes: http://www.womanstats.org/ and also having personally known women who have been raped, abused, underpaid, anorexic, sexually harassed, and/or decided to dress up as Sarah Palin for Halloween. I like Nicki Minaj as much as the next fellow, but I might be careful about the difference between 'acting like a victim' and 'being a 13-year-old sex slave in Bangladesh' or whatever. Or a poor single mother in Orem, Utah. Or a certain lady who works at a certain gas station I know whose husband cheats on her and has left her multiple times with their five kids.

U r right. Lying back is bad. I'm trying not to lie back as much. Thanks for reminding me about that. Just sayin, the Achy is real. It isn't as simple as "The Patriarchy is making me oppressed", and saying it that way is more hurtful than productive. Which is why I'm trying to be productive. By getting a C in econ!!!

This is so deep:

And of course, no long-winded conversation concerning Rights and Issues would be wrapped up without a baring of emotions and tearful rejoinder.

Eliza: u r responsed

: Corollary: just trying to understand my role as a white dude who doesn't want the power he is told he has. My moms is a single mom, so I'm like, "women oppressed? doesn't compute"

Eliza: well I come from a place where it was a contest for who could be the most liberal
so I'm like "different ideas? doesn't compute"

Alex: I feel like I should conclude every interaction with you with something like, "Hope you don't think I'm trying to oppress you!"

Eliza: shorten it to "no oppress-o!"


I guess looking over the whole thing and who I am as a Cracker Bro With Responsibilities and Opinions (CBWRAO), I'm realizing that I'm young. This is the first time I've really actually encountered these issues in a real-life setting. I'm trying to work the whole thing out, and think open dialoguing and conversating is an important part about that. It opens up areas that you never even realized existed.

I've got to realize that people will complain about Patriarchy and not do anything. They'll use it as a way to talk about how petty and insecure other people are for relying on it as a way to vindicate themselves. But, then again, people will also talk about these issues in a way that inspires change. People will continue not to sit back on their haunches about the whole thing, even if they don't understand where they're going or how to go about changing things. As a Bro With Feelings (BIF), I have to realize that Male Oppression and Patriarchy are real. Male Oppression happens, and not just in third-world countries. I have to continually acknowledge that it's detrimental to both sexes to treat it with a gloss whenever it's mentioned and not just think people are st00pid when they don't know how to feel about it. Especially myself.

I stand by, forever, my decision to Facebook "like" any potential laws that would somehow contribute to the equalization of women and men in society as a whole. I still also stand by my statement that I will not date a woman who lets herself believe that she's trapped and cornered by something so large and nebulous as THE PATRIARCHY. And who believes that other people can make her do anything. And finally, I stand by the idea that before one makes any "informed" decisions about women and the (massive) thorns-in-their-sides, one should talk to a Totally Informed White Broad (TIWB) about it all. Chances are your horizons are going to get broadened (NO PUN INTENDED).

No oppress-o!

Relevant links:
The Fabled U.S. Census!
---see also: Income, Expenditures, Poverty, Wealth & Education for some really fun examination of what is currently happening in our country concerning White Male Oppression.

Eliza Campbell is a local writer, blogger, and country guitar singer. She can usually be found here.

Alex Christman is connected to this magazine in some sort of peripheral way. You can find more of him here and

And, as always, feel free to join in the conversation or to email us! We'd love to rejoinder. Thanks for reading!
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Interim Period

In order to keep ourselves busy as we wait for submissions, money, and the grace of God to get us off of the ground, we are going to be running a few pieces this week as a little look at what we're going to be offering whenever we fully launch.

Our magazine will feature photography by the very talented Kelsie Moore and Austin Dressman. Here's a sneak peek of what to expect. Photos like this will appear in glossy, beautiful, full page spread form. Heck, you could even cut them out and put 'em on your wall!

(photo by Kelsie Moore)

(photo by Austin Dressman)

More coming this week! Including creative nonfiction, fiction, and Women's Rights tomfoolery!
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