A Firm Resolution

It's New Year's Evil! So metal!

Today, everybody will be making up stuff they need to "fix" in their lives, so they can tell their friends what their resolutions are. We've put together a list of things you can memorize, so that way if you're too lazy or apathetic to think up your own New Year's Eve resolutions, you're still covered. Service-y.

1. Become a cat.
2. Purchase more local music.
3. Don't get into a committed relationship, especially involving emotional attachment.
2. Don't be hermetic or monkish though. Get out there and get your lips kissed!
3. Get into a VERY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH INTENT OF MARRIAGE. Don't kiss. Bad.
4. Have some fun, for heaven's sake! You're __ years old. Work less.
5. Be friendlier to people you don't know (pro-tip: this will help you get your lips touched by other lips).
6. Pack your bags, you're going on a trip!
7. Eat more cheese (??).
8. Listen to Wu-Tang Clan pretty loudly.
9. Listen to Wu-Tang Clan while driving past the Temple. Feel embarrassed but *ok* with that.
10. Buy more stuff...
11. ... To give to charity!!
12. Gain some weight. Y'all look anemic.
13. Love people with the intensity of a million hugs.
14. Learn to play an instrument.
15. Set more impossibly high goals for yourself. Goals which, at the outset, seem interesting or fun or helpful, but the execution of which involves changing basic, fundamental parts of your personality that you haven't felt comfortable with for years; parts which would involve either brain surgery or total emotional shock to alter. Feel the weight of your resolve approximately one hour after making the declaration to yourself and give up on it already. Eat a potato chip. Fall asleep.
16+. Email Bare Bones and become a staff columnist!

Hey 2010, you were A PLUS PLUS, would live it again. We're almost five months old you guys! Aren't we precious?? Get in contact and contribute! For the sanity of the editor-in-chief!

Love you,
Bare Bones