Letters From Mainz Commvnity College: Jan. 5, 1451

We here at Bare Bones have unearthed a sacred text of monumental historical import.

Dear Stvdents and Facvlty,

We in the High Covnsel are mvch grieved to annovnce the fact that we will not be receiving a copy of Rogier van der Weyden's "The Last Jvdgement", as it will not fit into the alcove we had originally provided it on the second floor of the baptistery (near the registrar's office and the water fovnts). We all know how exciting it wovld've been to get something cheery into the hallways once again, especially after ovr copy of "The Carrying of the Cross" was deemed too French for most tastes. We also mvst annovnce that we will not be bvying any excess straw for effigies this winter. We know that this is a major inconvenience to many, bvt we have mvch larger ideas in store.

We are pleased, then, to annovnce that we're going to be vsing all of the excess gold in the coffers to invest in a kick-ass new printing press. These things are going to be hvge dvde. In the interest of providing the college with the latest edvcative tools, we hope yov vnderstand ovr excitement and sacrifices. Think of the pamphlets that can be generated! Think of the information to be shared!

We'll be hosting an open workshop every second satvrday of the month between the office of readings and morning prayer. There yov will be able to discvss whatever ideas yov might want to commit forever to paper throvgh the vse of this incredible and history-changing device. We are trying to be totally cool abovt this thing. Several stvdents have already svggested walking pamphlets, tailored specifically for those of yov who walk for a period of time before mass. That wovld be totally cool.

However, we are trying to stay strict in ovr decision to stay away from matters political and will not tolerate anymore reqvests for "Archbishop Adolph II" pennants.

We hope yov are as excited for the vpcoming year of stvdy and repentance as we. Pray over yovr pvblications diligently. Forever bold will the name on the page read: Mainz Commvnity College.

Sincerely,

Archibishop Mavrvs and the Covnsel of the Lady.