Someone's In The Kitchen With Mohammed: This Week's Sacrilicious Recipe

Terry Jones, a pastor in a tiny church in Florida, is reportedly planning to burn copies of the Koran with his congregation as a way to commemorate the anniversary of 9/11 on Saturday. General Patraeus, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, has advised against this delightful party activity, pointing out to the Associated Press that the act “would undoubtedly be used by extremists in Afghanistan — and around the world — to inflame public opinion and incite violence." In addition to the fact that soldiers and U.S. officials who work directly with the extremists connected to 9/11 advise against Terry Jones' little bonfire, it seems pretty obvious that grossly offending followers of a major world religion isn't the best way to ease the tension that leads to terrorism. Or intolerance. Or violence against religious extremists (like Jones' congregation, for example?)

But Patraeus' larger point is something that nobody else will say out loud: Terry is about to commit a vast culinary faux pas! While more unconventional cooks might appreciate the flavor of a rich, meaty Koran steeped in that unmistakable gasoline-scalded charcoal taste, exposing the book to extreme heat is not the best way to enjoy the delicate flavor of this sacred religious text. An alternative approach: the Koran s'more. Allow the sides of the book to become lightly toasted in the potent heat of American pride. The edges will caramelize slightly, allowing you to add thick candy wedges of your own religious text (a Book of Mormon Bar can be delightful), and melt the two together. Seal with crackers of justice and common sense. God Bless America.



Text sourced here, picture sourced here.

Eliza is the Paula Dean of religious tension.